This has been probably one of the toughest weeks of my life.
Emotions have run the gamut this week- fear, sorrow, disgust, anger, joy, love, pride, and sadness.
Maybe I’m not used to feeling *this* much all at once, but I feel like a worn out dish rag today.
Fear of the unknown Saturday afternoon, sorrow at finding the father-in-law dead, disgust with the way one of his “friends” was acting, anger that more & more was being piled on me to handle, joy in seeing the stepsons and the grandbaby, love for them all, pride in the way the stepsons have finally grown up and again sadness, today as they left.
I also did the eulogy at my father-in-law’s funeral. He wasn’t a church-going man and there were no preachers who actually knew him. I’ve always felt strongly against someone who never even met the deceased preaching the funeral. My voice was very quivery, my knees were knocking a lot, but I made it through. It was a very small memorial service, as he wanted to be cremated and with it being midweek, I guess a lot of folks were working. Not to mention at 80, the peer group has shrunk a bit.
I’ve fallen more in love with the grandbaby. He is pretty damned grand. :) I got the first smile on film! I also got spit up on A LOT. I wanted to make recommendations, but damn if I wanted to come across as the interfering mother-in-law. I finally DID say something, but as a nurse, not a mama-in-law. (Dammit, a tummy ache is a tummy ache, not tiredness!!)
I’m still NOT Granny, but instead, Grammie. That, or Grams, but not GraNNy. Let’s just say I had a bad experience with some folks called Granny and the sound of the word makes my skin crawl.
Anyway, everyone has gone home and I’ve about got the house straightened back out. It’s been a rough week and I definitely don’t want any do-overs of it.