My Week Thus Far (Repeats of some statuses for my Facebook Friends)

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This week has sucked royally.  I don’t want a do over on it, I just want it to BE OVER.

Monday- lousiest excuse for a staff meeting ever.  My RN was out sick (from stress, I’m guessing) and she’s the only one there who knows ANYTHING.  She and I know our patients, but the other LPN knows diddly and the other RNs know less than diddly.  So…that was 3 hours of my life I’ll never get back.  This after getting up to make coffee and a nice little house mouse goes skeeting from the kitchen to parts unknown.

Tuesday- I try to call my first patient, phone rings, he turns it on but says nothing.  I can hear the television blaring in the background and occasional odd breathing noises.  Hang up, call back, wash, rinse, repeat five times.  Sixth time- no answer.  Seventh time- no answer.  Call 911 and of course get the service for the county I’m in.  Explain I need 911 service for his county (I’m still 45 minutes out), they were very nice, got me in touch with the right county, they have a deputy in the area, he’ll check it out.

Never heard shit back from them, despite giving them my number.

Get to the patient finally and he’s gorked to the gills on pain meds and muscle relaxers.  >.< Heart rate 150, BP 60/40ish, he’s out there, somewhere.  Told me he’d been taking 2 Percocets and 2 Flexerils every two hours.  Dispatched him to the ER.

Did I mention this is my favorite patient ever?  He really is.  Love him like family.  The rest of the day was kinda downhill from there.

Oh, and the house mouse is still trying to set up house in MY house…

Today- At 5:23 AM Earl Mouse went to The Great Cheddar Wheel in the sky. If he’d had a tombstone, the epitaph would have read “I’d still be here if I hadn’t raised so much hell when the trap clamped down on my tail and I hadn’t woke Snigs up”. Mr. Mouse was named Earl postmortem, because as we all know, Earl Had to Die.

I skip off to work, happy to know Earl is gone (by the way, I bashed his tiny skull in with an unloaded 410 shotgun.  Don’t wake me up at 0523 if you don’t want the same treatment).

Had a relatively decent work day.  Everybody was upright and in fairly good health.

Then, stop by the grocery store on the way home and encounter:   To the little guy at Bells in Lexington,, who was buying his groceries (a box of Nilla Wafers, 2 boxes of HyTop cereal, a 4 lb bag of potatoes, a gallon of milk and a couple of packs of cookies):

I know you thought you were just THE SHIZ with your winged mullet and long sleeved oxford cloth shirt with the sleeves rolled up and the shirt unbuttoned nearly to your waist. And aside from the waist of his pants being somewhere close to his knees, I was amazed that your son was willingly (?) pulling off the same winged mullet as you.

I was further amazed that he was pulling off the same shitty attitude, but I digress.

Anyway, you really didn’t have to RUN to get in front of me in the check-out line. I would have let you in front of me. And when I laughed, it wasn’t a school girl giggle over how cute you [thought] you were, it was because I thought you were just hilarious running to get in front of me with my 3 items.

Oh, when the young lady opened another line and I casually walked over to it while you complained loudly YOU could have gotten in that line if you’d only known she was going to open that register, that raspberry I blew at you meant Kiss My Butt. You looked so confused I just had to explain.

Was typing that up when I hear The Boy and The Girl raising all sorts of hell in the other end of the house.  “WHAT THE HELL ARE Y’ALL DOING?” was answered by The Boy with “Um, you really don’t want to know.”.  Too vague an answer.  I repeated the question.  The Boy shows up at my bedroom door with “YOU REALLY DO NOT WANT TO KNOW!”.

Yes, I did…I HAD to push it…and…

I’m moving. The kids just found a freaking snake in the house. Oh hell no, white girl ain’t playing this shit. MAMA, I’M COMING HOME!

Ok, I took it to this city’s resident herpetologist and he says “Juvenile Rat Snake”. He took it out of the bottle and checked it out thoroughly.

Apparently, he {the snake} has a facebook account and saw there was a mouse in my house. He should have called before he came though.

MAMA!!! I’m spending the night at your house tonight!!!

My mother just laughed.

Shit.

And it’s ONLY Wednesday!!