What Got In My Eye?

I’m not a crier.

If I cry, you can bet on one of two things- I’m either REALLY pissed off or really, really upset.

I never cried for a patient before, but came damned close to doing so not once, but twice, this week.

# 1 was a new paraplegic.  Young guy, felt a pop in his neck, went to the hospital & was told nothing was wrong, went home & the next morning, couldn’t move anything from his chest down. 

# 2 was a fairly young guy who had no known medical history, had been healthy as a horse and suffered a massive cerebral aneurysm.

What nearly made me nearly cry about #1?  Aside from the fact that he was a really young guy, he hurt his neck moving his mom’s washing machine.  Unlike some of the cretins that WALK out of the hospital just freaking fine after committing some horrid crimes & getting hurt in the process, this guy was doing something decent…and now he’s a paraplegic.

Yeah, nobody ever said life was fair…fairs are for tourists after-all, but still.

What made me nearly cry for #2?  This dude is incredibly intelligent.  He was an engineer at a nuclear plant.  Now, he’s stripping his clothes off in bed because he can’t control himself.  I sat down & talked to him awhile and found the intelligent guy is in there, fighting like hell to get back in control. 

I don’t know if either will ever regain what they had.  I don’t know if their loved ones will be able to cope with what’s left if they don’t. 

I’d like to blame this week’s near-crying episodes on hormones, but I can’t.  Maybe I’m getting soft.  Maybe I’m just getting soft in the head at best.

Whatever the reason, I’m glad to have a 4-day weekend to hopefully recover my ol’ cynical self & recharge…


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. crucis
    May 25, 2012 @ 10:57:01

    When you can’t feel for your patients, whether you cry or just hide your feelings, it’s time to do something else. My daughter, the CNA,
    lost a favored patient not long ago. When he was moved out of her wing, he asked her to visit him. She did every work day. No one els did. No gamily, no friends.

    Helping folks does take a personal toll. If it didn’t, you’re in the wrong job.

  2. kcduffy
    May 25, 2012 @ 12:03:58

    My good Friend says tears are the Holy Spirit overflowing…

  3. amimental
    May 25, 2012 @ 13:08:32

    It’s called compassion. And if you lose it, then you lose something really important. It’s the thing that sets you apart from ‘just a caregiver’ to someone who CARES.

    How sad for both of those young guys. Unimaginable.

  4. Old NFO
    May 25, 2012 @ 19:26:49

    It just proves you’re still human Snigs… THAT is something you will never lose…

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