Jerry Would Even Shake His Head

The characters:

Mr X who was involved in a vehicle crash
Mrs X, who is married to Mr X
Mrs Y, who is married to Mr Y & Girlfriend of Mr X
Papa X, father of Mr X
Miss C, girlfriend of Papa X

The setting
A semi-private hospital room where Mr X has been placed

The plot
Lord only knows for sure, but I’m gonna give it a go here.

Mr X was injured pretty doggone badly in a vehicle collision.  Might have been a car crash or a motorcycle crash or a horse & buggy crash- I’m not saying.

Suffice it to say, he had some pretty debilitating injuries and perhaps he hasn’t been himself since the accident.

Enter Mrs X, Mr X’s wife.  Estranged wife that is, as she threw him out a few days before his accident.  Hmmm…perhaps he was an asshole before the accident as well?  Could be.

Enter Mrs Y…Mr X’s GIRLFRIEND.  She gets custody only on Wednesday & Friday nights.  The rest of the week, his heart belongs to Mrs X, of course.

Then of course there is Papa X. Might be a good time to point out Papa X has stayed with his son every night.  He’s so good at taking care of folks, that depending on which night of the week it is, he has also kept either Mrs. X OR Mrs. Y company…in the other bed…in Mr. X’s hospital room…um, 6 feet away from Mr. X.  Mr. X has displayed some anger issues towards his father, perhaps in light of the sleeping arrangements.  Perhaps in light of something else.  Suffice it to say, when Mr. X kicked Papa X in the head, nobody but possibly Papa X was surprised.

Anyway, Papa X wants Mr X to come home with him and his live-in girlfriend, Miss C, until he’s completely recovered.  Although this a responsible, noble thought, Miss C wants nothing to do with it.  Because scramble-brained Mr X can tend to get aggitated and less than kind (see above).  Not to mention, having to tend to Mr X might put a cramp in her lil’ ol’ style.

The time has come.  The hospital bill has reached 3/4 of a million & there is no insurance & there will be no wringing blood from this turnip.  So, Mr. X is going home with Mrs X on a Wednesday, even though that is Mrs. Y’s night to have him.

And as they’re leaving the hospital floor, it is heard clearly by all as Mr. X says (in a mangled fashion, mind you)

If you behave, I’ll give you some tonight. 

Apparently, no matter how scrambled the brain & the balance of the body, one’s pecker still [thinks] it can perform.  Also, no matter how busy doctors, nurses and other hospital employees might be, they will all take a moment to stop & nearly drop dead from laughter upon hearing something like this…

Fast forward to the present…

Papa X called me, asking for my help.  Seems things went sour after Mr. X returned home.  Number one, they hadn’t heard anything from one of the services the hospital agreed to provide & he wanted me to find out what the hold-up was. (Not my job dude, not even my facility!)  Number 2…

Mrs. X kicked Mr. X to the curb.  Mrs. Y’s husband wasn’t keen on the idea of Mr. X living with them, so Mr. X wound up at Papa X’s house…which didn’t sit well with Miss C, so she kicked Mr. X AND Papa X to the curb.

Then he asked, “When all of this is over, how ’bout you & me go out for dinner & drinks”.

Oh.

Hell.

No.

Not if he was the last man on Earth, had 4 gazillion dollars, 15 BMWs in the garage & was the spitting image of a young Harrison Ford.  Maybe he can get on Springer & tell the story there & get some help & maybe a little action.

  >.<

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Old NFO
    Jan 28, 2012 @ 19:20:44

    Ah…er…Oh hell no… Nobody is REALLY that stupid are they??? Nevermind, don’t answer that 😀

  2. Bob Perrow
    Jan 28, 2012 @ 20:31:54

    Where do you come up with these, Snigs?

  3. snigsspot
    Jan 28, 2012 @ 20:55:37

    Day-to-day life, Bob. I have a habit of running into some of the strangest folks out there I guess. 😀

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