A chicken story

All were tired after the trip tromping about Biltmore Plantation Saturday evening.  A large noon meal had been consumed, so nobody was really that hungry come supper time.  We all decided a quick trip through Hardee’s was all that would be necessary to see us through ’til morning.

We walked in and the cashier/order taker/sales associate/whatever Hardee’s employees are called this day & age began taking our orders.  His name was Nate.  Now, I’ll say this for Nate- he was very mannerly.  However, poor ol’ Nate’s 10 story elevator was not leaving the basement for love, nor money.  He was as hollow headed as they come.  But, he did at least say Ma’am at the appropriate times and not in that condescending you’re-an-old-lady way.

Nate started taking orders.  The Boy stepped up to place his and Nate said, “I’m sorry, that’s not available at this time.”.  The Boy didn’t argue, ordered something else.  “I’m sorry, that’s not available at this time either.”.  I was staring at the hugemongous zit perched on the end of Nate’s nose.  The 3rd “I’m sorry, that’s not available at this time” broke the spell the zit had cast over me.  I guess I snarled a bit and poor Nate recoiled.  Finally, The Boy ordered something that was available, everyone else ordered and we ambled to the condiment counter to get napkins, ketchup, etc…

We sat down at the table, some goofy rhombus shaped thing that was made for 5, but we were trying to stretch to 6.  The Husband said he was going to get more napkins, I told him there were some on the table and par for the male course, he didn’t hear me.  He came back with a handful and apparently I snarled again, saying “Dammit, I said there were napkins on the table.”.  He sat down and nearly knocked me out of my chair with his knee.

That didn’t sit well.  PATIENCE!  I’M GETTING TO THE CHICKEN!  Keep reading.

If I snarled earlier, I’d hate to think of the face I made when he whacked me with his knee.  I must have made an even worse face when I asked what the heck his problem was & why he’d nearly knocked my butt out of the chair.  When he said, “I didn’t even touch you”, I’m sure a vein popped out on my forehead and my head spun at least three times.

About that time, here comes Neato Nate with our food.  (As an aside, when did Hardee’s start providing to the table service?)  Mama & The Girl had both ordered chicken sandwiches.  Mama’s looked normal, but here was The Girl’s…

Hmmm.  That just didn’t look right.

Now, you can imagine the general over-all mood of the table.  My head is spinning ’round, The Husband & The Boy are pouting for different reasons and my parents are TRYING to act like everything is normal and then they hand my daughter that paltry HALF piece of chicken on a fracking sandwich *I* paid $7 for?

Husband, take that damned thing back up there and find out where the other half of The Girl’s sandwich is!

A few minutes later, he comes back with this…

We all stared at it.  Some giggled.  I looked at The Husband and blinked.  Several times.

“What the hell did you say to that kid????”

“I just asked where the other half of the piece of chicken was, like you said.

“How the hell did you ask it?  Did you threaten to beat someone’s ass?”

My mother is sitting there with tears rolling down her face, she’s laughing so hard.  Even my Daddy was laughing!  The Girl just looked at it like she wasn’t sure what to do with it.

About that time, the manager came out to see if everything was okay and couldn’t he refill our drinks and what could he get us.

He made three more trips to the table and even Sweet-but-Stooopid Nate came by a time or two.

I still don’t know what The Husband said to them exactly, or more importantly HOW he said it to them.  At least the incident lightened the mood and everyone forgot about achy feet & legs for a little while.



Clouds, a turtle & a penis

When your friend tells you she sees a turtle coming out of its shell in the clouds, you shouldn’t laugh at her. If you do, she might tell you that before the cloud looked like a turtle, it looked like an uncircumcised penis. Then, you might wreck and splatter guts hither & yon and the EMTs might see odd shapes in what used to look like you…

This PSA has been brought to you by the Snigs Broadcasting Association.