Patch me thru

to Dreamland.

Nicoderm patches have a small warning on the back-

When using this product, if you have vivid dreams or other sleep disturbances, remove this patch at bedtime.

Call me a rebel.

Okay, so rebellion is NOT the reason I wear the patch to bed.  I wear the patch to bed to avoid craving a cigarette so badly in the mornings that I end up eating my pillow.

I’ve been wearing patches since Saturday night and I’ve had two bouts of what I guess would be considered “vivid dreams”.

The dreams go on all night long…the same dream, continues, even after getting up to use the bathroom and getting a drink.  They’re not just “vivid” dreams, they’re DISTURBING dreams, as well.

The first was rather odd, but all too memorable, even now 4 days later.

Another blogger (who shall remain unnamed, to protect the innocent!) and I were chasing a “bad guy” back in the neighborhood I lived in as a small child.  AB (my clever acronym for Another Blogger) gets out of the car & tells me to “secure” it.  I’m not sure what took me so long to secure the car, but by the time I caught up with AB, the home owner who’s yard AB had been “searching for the bad guy” in had taken a dislike to AB and knocked AB across the top of the head with a baseball bat.

I arrived in time to keep Mr. Home Owner from beating AB senseless.  I had just convinced Mr. Home Owner that we were the good guys and the bad guy was out there when the bad guy shoots AB, while he is laying nearly out cold on Mr. Home Owner’s concrete stoop.  Mr. Home Owner & I drag the now shot (albeit with a very small caliber pistol- small as in half the size of a BB) and concussed (that’s probably a made up word, but I like it!) AB in the house.  Mr. Home Owner’s son appears and he’s Mr. Bad Ass 6-year old.  “What the hell is going on in here?”, he asks.

The Bad Guy was pretty stupid, because at this point, he walks up to the picture window and starts shooting through it.  BA-6-yr-old produces what looks like a rocket launcher from behind the couch and while my mouth (and AB’s) is hanging open, he manages to blast Bad Guy into Kingdom Come…along with most of the front side of the house.

By this time, AB is no longer bleeding, we head out the door to the secured car and go to Scooter’s Lounge for a cold beer.

The end.

Dream 2 out freaked Dream 1 on a much more disturbing scale.

I was working late, as were the rest of the department heads.  It had been raining for weeks.  Local creeks and rivers were beginning to flood and my current boss asked me to follow her home to make sure she made it.  (Funny, it’s not just Dream Land that she wants someone to hold her hand in)….anyway.

We’re going down the road and all the sudden, the water is too deep to continue on in.  I told her not to worry, I’d call my best friend ’cause she & her husband have a pick-up with one helluva lift kit- it WILL make it through.

I call her, she isn’t home, but her husband is & he agrees to come get us.  He picks us up, we get a bit further down the road and either the water gets too deep or he just didn’t feel like going on.  Either way, he makes a left into the yard of what had to be White Trash Home of the Year.  The place looked worse than bad, but he said he knew a guy who “don’t live here, but he hangs out here a lot”….

We go in.  I hear banjos- dudes with over-alls on, but only 1 suspender done up.  No teeth.  Drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon!!

And of course, I have to go to the bathroom.  There is no bathroom door, but instead, a piece of plywood leaned up against the wall…you move it to cover the doorway if you want privacy.  So, I’m peeing right along when my boss announces my friend’s hubby IS going to take HER home and that “Phil” (the guy who hangs out there) can take ME home. 

And the assholes promptly leave.

This might be a good time to mention that the Rejects from Deliverance Hell have TIGERS as pets.

I come out of the bathroom and a random dude is sitting there, grinning like he’s about to tell me to squeal like a pig.  He tells me Phil “ain’t there cause the cops done come by and sed fer ever-body who ain’t livin’ there to git the hellout.”.  I’m hoping the cops are still there.

No dice.

So, The Toothless Wonder starts giving me weird looks and finally says he’ll give me a ride home for the usual Reject From Deliverance price.

Not happening Buck Wheat.

He gets rather pissed at the news he won’t be getting any and snatches up a tiger cub playing in front of him.  And then he pinches the damned thing and throws it at me where Mama Tiger thinks *I* am the evil one who made her baby scream.

She was stalking toward me when I woke up.

The End.

Eeeesh.  What will I dream tonight?

Whatever, I hope he’s tall, dark & handsome and has the winning lottery numbers tattooed on his forehead.



6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Charles Pergiel
    Jul 21, 2011 @ 21:36:12

    Those are a couple of great stories!

  2. Old NFO
    Jul 22, 2011 @ 22:01:14

    Meh- NOT fun… If you’re dreaming that ‘violently’, you’re probably NOT sleeping real well…

  3. ORPO1
    Jul 23, 2011 @ 11:13:50

    Agree with NFO on this one.
    I have to admit that those are really wild ones, though!
    I noticed when my first marriage was on the down hill slide, I had really wild dreams and was always tired.
    If you are getting a good night’s sleep, the effects may not be as pronounced. And what we discussed last night could be a factor as well. Just a layman’s guess.

  4. FrankC
    Jul 23, 2011 @ 20:05:55

    Be thankful for 6 year olds with RPGs. All their online training (gaming) could really save your a*&e. ( or a*s, if you prefer.)

  5. snigsspot
    Jul 23, 2011 @ 20:30:09

    I had a really vivid dream again last night.

    I was smoking a fantastic cigarette.

    Le sigh.

  6. The Old Man
    Jul 25, 2011 @ 21:01:12

    DAY-um, darlin’, do you do scripts for other folks’ dreams? (Preferably without little guys in black PJs with AKs – I write those myself…..)
    Seems like Le Patch has loosened your inner novelist……. I have faith y’all can beat the nicotine monster, though.

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