Snigs, the spider, the bath & the boy

I had just sunk into 150 gallons of semi-boiling water last night, looking forward to a little rest & relaxation in the tub…

I was floating a bit when I glanced up at the ceiling and saw what had to be a tarantula making it’s way across the ceiling, DIRECTLY over the tub.

Knowing that any minute, he was likely to dangle down and give me the Hello Miss Muffet look, something I really, really would hate, I did what any decent woman would do…

Screamed like the world was coming to an end.

Keep in mind, the husband was at work & the daughter was at a friend’s house, so that left only Boy to come to my rescue.  This wasn’t good.  Even though nudity isn’t a so-called taboo in the household, we don’t tend to run around nude in front of one another.  There’s something rather sick & wrong about Mom appearing nude in front of Boy, who is now 16.

Therefore, you can see I had a problem.  My choices were:  A) get out of the tub & kill said spider tarantula myself or B) get someone else to kill it for me.

If I opted with A, I’d have to get that much closer to said tarantula (by standing up), drip water all over hell & gone while getting a towel, wrap up in another towel & go get the fly swat.  Now, knowing tarantulas like I do, I’m pretty sure he would have noticed my activity and taken advantage of the moment to find himself a hiding spot.  Knowing he was hiding, somewhere in the bathroom would have meant I would lie awake all night, with the lights on, watching for him or would have gotten up a gazillion times, cutting the lights on because I would have *felt* it crawling on me.

Option A was out of the question.

Option B presented new difficulties.  For Boy to come kill the evil spider, he’d have to come in the bathroom, where I sat nude in the tub.  Not good.  So, while keeping one eye on Spiderman above me, I attempted to position a 12″ square washcloth strategically to cover as much stuff as possible.  Yeah, that was working real well.

Anyway, I finally got parts crossed, covered, and camouflaged and Boy FINALLY responded to shrieks for help.  He’d been playing video games, so you can imagined the dazed & confused look on his face.

At this point, all I could do was chant KILL IT, KILL IT, KILL IT while vaguely pointing in the vile creature’s direction.

With whut?

THE FREAKING FLY SWAT!

Okay.  Be back in a minute. I swear he stopped to fix a glass of Coke while he was gone.  I KNOW the fly swat was hanging on the nail by the door where it always is, but anyway….

Boy finally makes it back with the fly swat and just before he took his first swing at it, I reiterated the fact that I wanted it killed, not just swatted at, because if he missed it was just going to…

SWOOSH!

He didn’t wait for me to finish my sentence and worse yet, HE MISSED!

Of course Charlotte decided to bungee jump at this point, only there seemed to be no spring back in her bungee cord and damned if she didn’t…

LAND RIGHT IN THE TUB.

There’s where it gets a little fuzzy.

There were 10 legs in the tub now and 8 of them were intent on grabbing ahold of ME to get free of the water.  Let the scramble commence.  To hell with Boy not being scarred for life by seeing Mommy Dearest nekkid.  To hell with keeping the floor dry.  To hell with letting a spider get on me and probably rush straight to my ear, where it would attempt to hide and would end up eating at my brain until I myself turned into a mutant spider & started eating flies.

The more I moved to get away from the evil beast from hell, the more the water currents brought it closer to me and the more I screamed like a hopped-up cheerleader at a homecoming game.

GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET IT OUT

I’m not sure what was scaring Boy more- my screaming, my nudity or the fear that if I lived, I would kill him, but whatever it was, his eyes were big as dinner plates & his mouth wasn’t shutting.

Whatever was scaring him (or should that be scarring him?) was over-come.  He fished the spider out, dumped it in the toilet, flushed twice and started howling with laughter.

I resumed my bath, minus the 50 gallons of water that was splashed out in the bathroom floor and kept an eye on the ceiling…

Oh, for your FYI, some spider info for you-

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15 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Lnda
    Mar 20, 2011 @ 17:35:44

    The lady that don’t take no s*** of nobody is scared of spiders? I’m glad the boy was there to save his mom! I’m laughing, you know!

  2. Crucis
    Mar 20, 2011 @ 17:39:41

    Man, I teared up laughing as I imagined that scene. Ya shoulda posted pics of the new dance–the Spider Pounce!

  3. Portia
    Mar 20, 2011 @ 18:04:05

    OMG! Good thing your .357 wasn’t handy or there’s be a hole in the ceiling and roof!

    I feel the same way about spiders!

    When my hubby traveled all the time I never sat in the tub while he was away because I knew that my kids would rather let me die than to see me naked! (ok maybe not die)

  4. ORPO1
    Mar 20, 2011 @ 19:28:11

    I gotta go with Crucis on this one.
    I would have bought a ticket for that show!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. Ami
    Mar 20, 2011 @ 20:01:48

    I am a catch and release person. I haven’t always been that way, but my daughter, being soft hearted and completely logical has turned me.

    But I am not the one who does the catching if I have a choice. I get someone else to do it.

    That being said, I KNOW when I see a spider in my house that it has MY name on it and won’t rest until it’s either eaten me or I have gotten rid of IT. Since I’m still here, so far, so good.

    And I’m laughing AT you here, not with you. Just thought I’d make that distinction.

  6. Old NFO
    Mar 20, 2011 @ 20:13:19

    Oh damn… that is just too funny 🙂 And the score is, Spider-1, Snigs- minus 150 😛

  7. Morgan
    Mar 20, 2011 @ 22:31:01

    Sorry, I got distracted by your mentioning the words “nude” and “nekkid”;(pause) oh, excuse me, where was I? Anyway, look on the bright side: at least it wasn’t a snake you saw in the bathroom!

  8. Rick
    Mar 21, 2011 @ 16:10:55

    I am sorry you are suffering from post spider syndrome.
    Bu I need to say I had a good laugh.And a few mental images of the spider laughing.

  9. Rho
    Mar 22, 2011 @ 21:58:27

    The youngest says that he can relate to your 16 year old. I’ve heard him scream “Eye bleach!” when he came upon me doing middle eastern dance.

  10. snigsspot
    Mar 23, 2011 @ 01:10:21

    I hoped to make everyone laugh…looks like I succeeded. 🙂 The tale ’tis true & I think that makes it even more funny.

    Linda- Everyone is afraid of something. 😉

    Crucis- It ain’t that kinda blog. 😀

    Ami- Better to be laughed at than…um, well, I’m just glad you’re laughing! 🙂

    Portia- If I EVER see a snake in the house, I’m moving. Plain & simple. 😉

    ORPO- 😛 That’s all I can say!

    NFO- The spider is DEAD. I’m not. Who’s the winner here? 😛

    Morgan- Morgan, Morgan, Morgan… 😉

    Rick- He probably was laughing, until that second flush. 😉

    Rho- It’s a mother’s duty to slightly scar her young. It makes him a better person, builds character and such!! 😀

  11. EasilyLost
    Mar 23, 2011 @ 22:02:24

    Sorry, but I laughed so hard I think I cracked a rib. But then again, up here we don’t have big furry spiders. Want some snow? 😀

  12. Skul
    Mar 24, 2011 @ 14:52:49

    “The spider is DEAD. I’m not. Who’s the winner here?”

    Probably from sound shockwave over-pressure.

  13. snigsspot
    Mar 24, 2011 @ 21:30:12

    EL!!!! Do I need to add a warning label to the blog?? 😀 So nice to see you!!

    Skul- BITE ME. 😛

  14. Skul
    Mar 25, 2011 @ 12:25:27

    Nah, you’d get to screaming like a girl again. rofl

  15. snigsspot
    Mar 25, 2011 @ 15:40:49

    Skul- KMA! Better? 😛
    (You know I love ya, Skul!)

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