Inspiration comes in many forms

The inspiration for today’s post comes from the slew of invites I’ve received for various occasions over the past week.

(Disclaimer:  Rho, I was very happy to get The Elk’s invitation- I’m not talking about it here)

I opened my email awhile ago and found an e-invite to a baby shower.  Now, a few of my readers who knew me before I started blogging will remember this (y’all feel free to skip ahead).  Several years ago, I received a wedding shower invitation for one of my distant (and ages younger) cousins.  The invitation was several PAGES long and included where all the bride-to-be was registered, the colors of the rooms in their house, the sizes of clothing the bride wore, & how people were expected to behave at this shower.  Now, this family is about as classy as the folks on My Name is Earl. Them giving etiquette advisement is like a chigger telling you how to cook a turkey.  Oh, did I mention the shower was being thrown by the bride-to-be’s MOTHER?  And how at the end of the invitation booklet, it was stated that gifts were great, but they’d much prefer money?

Anyway, the girl has remained married & is now set to calve in a couple of months.  Hence, the baby shower e-invite- a shower once again thrown by her mother.

I’m no Emily Post, but since when did the mother-of-the-bride/grandmother-to-be start hosting the showers?

But, I digress.

No, I won’t be attending the shower.

And ya know what?  I won’t be sending a gift- money or otherwise.

Why?  Not because I’m mean, not because they’ve got the class of drunken mountain goats, not even because I cannot really afford a gift.

The simple reason is- the wedding gift was NEVER acknowledged.  No verbal thank you, no written thank you, no nothing.

The check was cashed, so maybe they thought the bank statement would act as a thank you note.  ???

Which gets me to the original point of this post.

Today’s 20-somethings have a LOT to learn about being decent people.  So many of them have wanted to “change the world”, “to make a difference”, “to be a part of something bigger than themselves”.

Oh for crying out loud.  They’re not even good at being themselves, let alone ready to save the world.

All of the above has served as inspiration for a list of things 20-somethings need to learn to do BEFORE they try to save the world from us evil-doing, God-fearing, Bible-toting, gun-loving, out-of-touch, racist radicals.  They get this shit covered and I’ll think about listening to them a bit more closely.

1.  If you have the time to send an invitation (read:  Beg for a free gift or money), you have the time to send a thank you note.  Six months after you’ve graduated, when you run into Aunt Ethel & Uncle Lucas at Cracker Barrel is NOT the time to say thanks for the college graduation gift they sent you.

2.  If you couldn’t identify your cousin in a line-up, with all other line-up participants being of a different race & gender than your cousin, you really shouldn’t send them an invitation to start with.  You want a shiny new I-Pod, get a frackin’ job, Junior.

3.  Just because your Grandmother goes to church, doesn’t mean you can invite everyone who is a member of the church.  They know your grandmother, not you, Susie Q.

4.  Not everyone thinks your idea of having a hemp baby sling to drag your sproglet around in is a good thing.  Don’t suggest on your shower invitations that they should chip in money for one, you damned hippie.  If you’ve got the gall to invite folks, let them have the honor of choosing what they get you.  (Even if it is a mirrored velvet picture of Jesus & the 12 having the Last Supper)

5.  Did you invite your mother to the conception “celebration”?  Did you at least call her before you had sex and ask if she minded raising your child, changing your baby’s diapers at 2:00 a.m., & providing financial support where Prissy, Jr could take ballet, piano, tennis lessons, swimming lessons, & horseback riding lessons once the act was complete?  If the answer is NO, get off your lazy ass and take care of your own child.  Don’t pout when Grandma wants to sit at home watching reruns of The Waltons instead of taking care of your kid.

6.  If you don’t like the food being served, get someone to draw you a map to the kitchen and fix your own damned meals.

7.  If you’re excited as hell about your own little mundane life, that’s nice.  Don’t expect everyone who has long been out of diapers to want to “celebrate” with you that the hot guy on the bus commented on how cute your ankles were.  Those of us with good sense heard him compliment 14 other girls too.

8.  We folks over 30 don’t care that you think shaving off your pubic hair is a liberating, empowering experience.  Really, we don’t.  What color your carpet is or if you even have carpet isn’t interesting to us at all.  Save that info for the dude on the bus.

9.  If you have to ask someone if they like you, they probably don’t.  They don’t have to.  Get over the fact that not everyone thinks you’re near as cute, talented and smart as you think you are.

10.  Quit trying to save the world.  You don’t even know how to save your own ass & apparently couldn’t find your way out of a wet paper sack.  I’m not going to follow you, Jr.  So quit trying to convince me I should.

11.  Quit thinking your generation invented or discovered everything.  People have been eating raw fish, hiking Mount Everest, & drinking flavored coffee before your great-grandfather was even a gleam in his daddy’s eye.  Get over it.

12.  You didn’t invent I-pods, cell phones, CDs, DVDs, or the electric car.  I will give you credit though- you’ve whined to your parents enough that they gave in & bought you one (all) and you’ve boosted the market for those things.

13.  If you’re 100 pounds overweight, you do NOT look good in spandex, knit or a silk thong.  Please stop asking me if you look good in those things, because sooner or later, I’m going to tell you that you look like shit on a shingle- and a BIG pile of it.  Flab ain’t cute and while you shouldn’t be ashamed of it per-say, keep it covered up anyway.  Some things are better left to the imagination.

14.  Quit trying to force your “sense of style” on me.  I’m of an age that I don’t care to look like I dressed from a dumpster.

15.  Despite the fact that your high school counselor told you, “You can do anything!”, if your IQ is slightly lower than that of a rotten squash, you CANNOT be a brain surgeon.  There is a major prerequisite for being a brain surgeon-  you must have a brain to start with!  Concentrate on learning to read a ruler & get a job as a ditch digger.  At least you’ll be doing an honest job & deserving of your paycheck.

16.  When you marry, the inlaws are part of the package deal.  Trust me, if your mother-in-law was good enough to raise your husband, she’s good enough to visit with your child/her grandchild.  Get over the fact that you don’t like her, grow the hell up and don’t put your husband in a position to chose between you & Mom.  In the end, it will be a no-win situation.

There are more things floating around in my mind, but I’m too annoyed to even keep going. >.<


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Linda
    May 20, 2010 @ 20:42:09

    I love this post! I’ve felt the same way about most of these. We have a girl from our church getting married is a couple of weeks. We don’t get to be there, but I’ve purchased a gift. I give pillows to everyone. Anyway, the mother of the bride told me how much her son and DIL, who were married last summer liked them. I told her I didn’t know, because I hadn’t received a Thank You. Probably shouldn’t have said that, but…

    Guess I’ll find out if his sister is any better. I always get them on sale.

  2. Old NFO
    May 20, 2010 @ 20:55:00

    LOL- Pretty much on point, on EVERY one of them… Of course “we(guys)” don’t do baby showers, so I’ve never had the pleasure (pain) of one… And if yo momma is running things, that DOESN’T bode well for your marriage either… Just sayin… 😀

  3. Skul
    May 21, 2010 @ 03:40:32

    Yup. (nodding head in agreement)
    Then they try to “guilt trip” you when you say NO.

  4. Rick
    May 21, 2010 @ 11:26:03

    Thank-You for expressing what so many of us feel.

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