Humor with More than a Ring of Truth to It

Things that I found helpful by living this long.    The purpose of fighting is to win..

The sword is more important than the shield, and skill is more important than either… The final weapon is the brain. All else is supplemental.


1.  Don’t pick a fight with an old man.  If he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you.

2.  If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.

3.  I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy.

4.   When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away.

5.  A reporter did a human-interest piece on the Texas Rangers.  The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him ‘Why do you carry a 45?’
The Ranger responded, ‘Because they don’t make a 46.’

6.  The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm. ‘Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?’ ‘No Ma’am.  If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my shotgun.’

7.   Beware the man who only carries one gun.  HE PROBABLY KNOWS HOW TO USE IT!!!

But wait, there’s more!

I was once asked by a lady visiting if I had a gun in the house.  I said I did. She said ‘Well I certainly hope it isn’t loaded!’  To which I said, of course it is loaded, it can’t work without bullets!’ She then asked, ‘Are you that afraid of someone evil coming into your house?’ My reply was, “No not at all.  I am not afraid of the house catching fire either, but I have fire extinguishers around, and they are all loaded too”.

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Ack

The throat feels like I’ve gargled rocks.

The eyes are watering like Niagara Falls.

The nose burns like I’ve been sniffing lit matches.

And my blue car is still a putrid yellow.

GO AWAY DAMNED POLLEN!  GO AWAY, NOW!