“Hi.  What’s your name?”

Mr. Smith

“Mr. Smith, how are you?”

Doing very well.

“Mr. Smith, do you know where you are?”

Yeah, Hospital X.

“Mr. Smith, why are you at Hospital X?”

‘Cause I’m pregnant.

“What?”

‘CAUSE I’M PREGNANT!

“You have a great day, Mr. Smith.”.

Yeah, I backed out of that room quickly.

Then today, I was doing a patient interview and the woman told me she’d be to our facility before.  I asked her what she’d had done when she’d been there before.

I got my dicks taken out.

“WHAT?”

I got my dicks taken out.

“Mrs. Jones, where was this part?”

She scrambled around for awhile and finally pointed to her back. “My dicks, my dicks!”.

OOOOH, you had a DISK removed.

Sometime after that, I was coming down the hall reading some reports…got to the door of the room I was working in, made a hard left into…the window beside the door.

I know what the Windex birds feel like now.

Tomorrow.is.Friday.

Not sure I would make it if it wasn’t.

Bad weather is supposed to roll in after midnight.  Maybe I should go to bed now in anticipation?

>.<

I’m an American female.  I prefer to be referred to as a lady even…most of the time.

Want to bring out the bitch in me?

Then push me to the side where you can exit the elevator in front of me one.more.friggin.time.

I don’t walk behind any man, with my head held down and I ain’t starting a new trend with you, Asshat.

I walk with my head up & at a pace I’d dare your ass to try to keep up with.

I’m not covering up any part of my body that I don’t want to and if you don’t like it, hop a plane back across either of the big ponds and feel free to bark at the hole on your way.

I sincerely hope your camel gives you fleas and worms.

Arrogant bastard.

And expensive, too.

Looks like Snigs is getting a new clothes dryer in the next few days.

At least it wasn’t as bad as what happened to Mama & Daddy a couple of summers ago…

Lightning ran in on her dryer & spot welded it in several places to the washing machine.

Sheesh.

Perhaps that’s because I worked the weekend?  Who knows.

Lack of true rest meant by Wednesday, my throat was sore & I had a headache.

Thursday morning, bright and early at the hospital because the husband’s stress test from December was positive for problems.

One of the stents previously placed wasn’t quite big enough and was already 75% blocked again.  Restented, with a bigger stent, and they ruptured the right coronary artery…which was a slight problem, but was fixed.  The extra time spent fixing that meant they couldn’t get to two spots in the left coronary artery that are slightly narrowed this time, so we get to go back again in about 3 months. >.<

Home again, home again, jiggity jig.

Have a recovering husband, a half-sick youngin, another youngin with a tummy ache (probably from worrying about her Daddy), I have a raging cold & I’m being all girly-fied this week.

I can’t win!  Ugh.

One bright spot, aside from the husband being patched up & getting to come on home- I got my two new coats that I was supposed to get for Christmas. 

Didn’t get red in this one, but black instead-

and

First time in um, 8 years that I’ve had a new coat and it felt really good to put the XL coat in the back of the closet after buying a medium & a large.  Also, finally remembered to pick up a blazer from the cleaners that I hadn’t been able to wear and had subsequently forgotten about, but found while digging through the closet…it’s a medium, too.   So it was like having three new coats. 

Yeah, doesn’t take much to ring my chimes, does it?

Y’all take care, enjoy the rest of the weekend.  I think I’ll drug up and see everyone sometime Monday.

“Hello, President Obama” a heavily accented southern voice said. “This is Archie, down here at Joe ‘s Catfish Shack, in Mobile , and I am callin’ to tell ya’ll that we are officially declaring war on ya!”

“Well Archie,” Barack replied, “This is indeed important news! How big is your army?”

“Right now,” said Archie, after a moments calculation “there is myself, my cousin Harold , my next-door-neighbor Randy , and the whole dart team from Hooters. That makes eight!”

Barack paused. “I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.”

“Wow,” said Archie. “I’ll have to call ya back!”

Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. ” Mr. Obama , the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!”

“And what equipment would that be Archie?” Barack asked.

“Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry ‘s farm tractor.”

President Obama sighed. “I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I’ve increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke.”

“Lord above”, said Archie, “I’ll be getting back to ya.”

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. ” President Obama ! I am sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war.”

“I’m sorry to hear that” said Barack. “Why the sudden change of heart?”

Well, sir,” said Archie, “we’ve all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over sweet tea, and come to realize that there’s just no way we can feed that many prisoners.”

SOUTHERN CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE MOST AWESOME 15 YEAR OLD IN THE WORLD!

One family was high school buddies and their two kids, 6 & 8.  The other was my best bud in nursing school, her husband, daughter & a 7-month old she was babysitting.

The baby was fine.  Not only was he adorable looking, he was adorable acting as well.  Very quiet, very clean, very sweet.

My high school buddies’ kids?  Oh dear Lord, they were holy terrors.  They wanted to fiddle with everything- my Christmas decorations which are for looking at, they wanted to touch.

And play with like they were action figures.

And they ran in the house, and stomped, and beat, and banged.  They jumped on my couch with shoes on!

And all the while, their mama would say, “Y’all stop.  Y’all behave.  Y’all quit.”.

And they continued on.

Finally, I got the 8 year old in a head lock and told him the only fireworks he would see if he kept behaving like he was, was going to be the fireworks I produced upon his ass with a belt.

That slowed him down for a bit, until his daddy laughed about it.

I came about < > close to asking them to leave.  Don’t get me wrong, I love kids.  I even love lively kids.  Unruly kids however, are not on my tolerable list.

After I said, LEAVE MY STUFF ALONE in a not-so-nice tone, the dad got to wishing “12 o’clock would hurry up & come on”.

You and me both, buddy.  You and me both.

I could complain, but sorry, the good of my year far outweighed the bad.

My husband had a heart attack…but lived.

I had two shitty jobs…that I quit and found a really great one.

The Boy got his driver’s license…um, looking for the ray of sunshine here…oh yeah, he’s happy.

I lost some folks who were important to me…and I met some new folks who are becoming important to me.

Life is much better.

To you and yours, I wish the Happiest of New Years.  Please be safe if you’re out and about tonight and may the coming year bring you more health, wealth & Happiness than you even deserve!

Never got the Christmas cards out…heck, I still haven’t found them.

Haven’t gotten the family picture in front of the tree taken, either.

Le sigh.

Never-the-less, Christmas IS here.  I almost hate to see it get here.  No, not because I’ve not sent Christmas cards.  Not because I could use another day to finish my baking.

But because…folks seem nicer at Christmastime.  Kinder.  More considerate.  The lights, the wreaths, the bows…perhaps they remind people to smile and to atleast attempt to love their fellow man a little bit more.

But no, the 26th will come.  The carols will have ended & folks “tired of the mess” will start snatching down decorations and extra kindness, consideration & decency will be packed away along with them until next Christmas.

I hope the biggest gift you receive is the Spirit of Christmas residing in you and those around you all year.

Merry Christmas & God bless us, every one.

I learned something new today anyway.  I got introduced to some Fruititarians.

Yeah, sounds fruity for sure.

They eat nothing but fruit, nuts & seeds.

And these were STRICT Fruititarians…

Nothing but fruit, nuts & seeds that had already fallen from the tree/vine/whatever they were growing on.

Because to pluck the fruit would hurt its frickin psyche or something.

Not.shitting.ya.

Apparently, it’s not good for you on multiple levels, because the lady of the pair had given someone she didn’t know $35 to go have a vehicle title transferred into her name from her husband’s…

and dude took the $35 & had the vehicle put in his own name.

Considering she was slightly on the elderly side, I felt sorta sorry for her.

BUT anybody who is worried about the feelings & psyches of fruit & nuts shouldn’t be able to hold title to much of anything…

>.<