I have a complaint! Now, I like how automatic toilets keep you from having to flush and either get ookey germs on your hands or risk dropping your shoe in the toilet when you flush via foot.
But dangit, I wish they weren’t quit so quick on the draw. I mean, at 44, I’m having a harder time maintaining The Hover Position…I’m either peeing more or have less stamina or something, because now in the midst of The Hover, I’m having to also execute The Foot Shift to maintain my balance.
Inevitably, when I execute The Foot Shift, the automatic toilet reads that as a sign that I’ve removed my butt from The Position and it starts into its automatic flush.
I’M NOT THROUGH, DAMMIT!
Now, while maintaining The Hover & executing The Foot Shift, I’m forced to make a choice…get my butt splashed with whatever the toilet throws at me (I mean, public toilets are like bidets–they spew when flushed!) or leave The Hover and stand up, possibly peeing down the back of my leg. Neither is a very pleasant option.
The Perch & Pray option went down the drain eons ago and when is the last time you actually saw a toilet seat cover dispenser with anything but dust in it?
There’s the option of covering the seat with half a roll of toilet paper, but some always ends up in the bowl and quickly wicks toilet water up to your butt, leaving you with that wide-eyed, oh-my-gawd-my-butt-has-toilet-water-on-it feeling.
Being a girl is just plain danged hard!