As with most every other holiday out there, the 4th of July seems to be nothing more than an excuse to get shitfaced, knee walkin’ drunk.
I guess that’s all well and good, even if a fool and his money part company during a good drunk. As long as you’re staying off the roads, not taking a swing at your wife (or husband, girlfriend, mother, brother, or kids), not raping anybody I reckon it’s just fine.
But.do.not.BRAG.to.me.about.how.you’re.too.drunk.to.know.your. own.name.
Like I said elsewhere- big fat whooptiedo. So you’re over 21, can open your mouth, pour liquid in, and swallow repeatedly.
I’m not impressed.
I’ve seen drunk frogs, moths, and spiders, so that shows me anything can get too drunk to move right. Wow! You are drunk! You have something in common with a frog I once saw!
To borrow Dana Carvey’s line-
Isn’t that special?
Now, you might get the idea that I’m against drinking and/or think it’s a sin. Nope, not at all. I like a few select wines, I love Seagrams VO mixed in my eggnog, and there are some days that you just cannot beat Absolut & tonic- with a twist of lime. I personally can’t stand beer, but don’t begrudge anyone who likes it.
I’ve been drunk before. Drunk-off-my-ass drunk. I honestly could not have told you what color the top light on a traffic signal was a few times. Somewhere after about age 25 though, I grew the fuck up. I didn’t need to brag about getting so drunk that I couldn’t remember where I left my underwear anymore. Not that I have gotten “drunk” many times since then- the few times that I have, it slipped up on me. Perhaps my tolerance isn’t what it used to be.
My point- I don’t care how drunk you get, but why do you have to tell the world about it like it’s something out of the ordinary?
Tune into Cops or Jail- you can see plenty of folks just like yourself on those shows. Drunk and stupid. You think you’re Don Juan when you’re drunk? The rest of us are probably seeing you more as a Donald Duck.
That don’t impress me much.






